Cow Island

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Steve Allender is a self taught cartoonist, illustrator and fine art landscape painter. He has, in the past, contributed cartoons to 'Punch' as well as writing for 'Artists and Illustrators' magazine. His paintings can be found in various galleries around England. His time is now mainly taken up with recording the daily adventures of the six cartoon cows who live in his head. This has not proved to be easy as they move around a lot and take frequent trips away from home. He has some hopes that eventually some kind person will offer to make them into an animated series for television, thus making him a wealthy man and giving the Cows the chance to live a life dominated by the consumption of cake.

Check out more of Steve's cow cartoons on his Cow Island blog.

  • An expert inaction



    'Hmm,' said Cyril, 'I think I begin to see where you're going wrong.'

    'By feeding you an endless supply of ma best wine?' replied Camille.

    'You'll be thanking me soon enough,' said Cyril. 'I think you'll find it very educational.'

    'Well, it's certainly a lesson that neither maself or ma little students will ever forget,' replied Camille.

    Cyril took a long draw through both straws and thought for a while.

    'Could you open another bottle of the '04?' he asked.

    'But you 'ave already 'ad 3 bottles!' mooed Camille.

    'Really?' replied Cyril. 'Best open 2 then. It normally takes me at least 5 bottles to assess a vintage.'

    But Camille was saved from the dilemma of whether or not to open the bottles by the timely arrival of Norma.

    'Just thought I'd pop by and see how things are going?' she said.

    'Fine from where I'm standing,' replied Cyril.

    'And from where I'm standing I am seeing a lot of empty bottles,' said Camille.

    'An expert opinion cannot be rushed,' explained Cyril. 'Now, are you going to open some more?'

    'Hmmmm,' replied Camille. 'I suppose so. Little Jean Claude has the corkscrew between 'is tiny 'ooves even as we speak.'

    'Good lad!' said Cyril. 'He'll go far, you mark my words.'

    'Well, he's already been down to the cellar 4 times!' replied Camille. 

    'Keep him fit!' said Cyril.

    So the cork was pulled and the wine was poured and everyone was offered a glass.

    'Not for me,' said Norma.

    'But surely,' said Camille. 'Just one small glass? What 'arm can it do?'

    '.....................................Well, if you insist,' mooed Norma.

  • Meanwhile back at the well



    'I want to make it quite clear that I'm only here because Norma asked me to be.' said Bertha.

    'Fine,' replied Captain Bill. 'Just make sure nobody goes off with me hat.'

    'I can't imagine anyone wanting it.'

    'Well, you'd be surprised then,' continued Captain Bill. 'They're very sought after.'

    'In that case, perhaps we could sell it?' replied Bertha. 'For sale, one hat, size 64, would suit idiot.'

    'If I wasn't down here!'

    'But you are,' mooed Bertha. 'At least you are until we get you out.'

    'I can get myself out whenever I want to!'

    'No point in us being here then,' said Bertha.

    'You are quite a long way down,' trumpeted Norman.

    'It's intentional,' replied Captain Bill. 'I thought, while I'm in here, I could see how safe it is.'

    'And how safe is it?' asked Norman.

    '.............................................................................Not very!' replied Captain Bill.

    'And now you need our help?' said Bertha.

    'Perhaps,' replied Captain Bill, 'it would be useful to pretend I'm stuck and then you could practice rescuing me...as a training exercise.'

    'Or you could get yourself out and we could watch how you do it?' said Bertha. 'As a training exercise.'

    'My idea's better,' replied Captain Bill.

    'Why?' asked Bertha.

    '....................................................................................I'm Captain!' said Captain Bill.

    And although he couldn't see it, Captain Bill heard the distinct sound of a hat being damaged.

 
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